Why do they keep asking me “do I feel different”? I am happy and hopeful that so many prayed over me. Praying to heal my body, to destroy cancer and be free from disease. I know that it will be a miracle if my cancer stops growing. Modern medicine says it won’t stop growing until I die from it. I am grateful for the prayer. However, the truth is, I feel the same. I can only be truthful, and tell them the pain is still here. I feel pressure from the healing room prayers to give them a sign their prayers worked. As if I am a circus sideshow to place on display. “Look world, we cured her cancer!” they would say. It is not about them, it is about God.
This morning was difficult. My body did not want to move, to wake. I had to push myself to lay flat. I knew the pain from laying flat would wake my brain. I had come to this place for my mind to rest, my body to rest. I needed to come here. I needed to be with God. To hear His voice. I awoke and walked to the window, opening the drapes to see God’s magnificent work. The gorgeous view in front of me. Cascading mountains and hills below. The organic shape of the lake moving between the mountains and hills. The single pine tree left to frame this wondrous view on top of the mountain. No sounds, no voices, no music, not clatter, horns or engine sounds. The stillness with God’s creatures fluttering, flying and singing. I went and sat down outside in the warmth of the sun. There at my feet lay a single large feather, an eagle feather.
Ah, Lord, you are here.
But those who hope in the Lord
Will renew their strength; they will fly up
On wings like eagles; they will run and not
Tired; they will walk and not be weary.
Words were spoken over me at the healing room yesterday. I was not cured instantly yesterday, this walk is not over, it is in God’s hands.